This is something i picked up from EDMW of hardwarezone forum and I thought it is pretty interesting so I shall re-post it here along with a link to the original source.
There are a lot of relationships that really just come naturally without the guy having to talk some pattern on to the girl… maybe there is this age old concept called chemistry between 2 people eh? Or maybe u r just plain old lucky.
So what I will be teaching has nothing to do wif PUA. I can say it’s even more than that. What PUA teaches u is the seduction stage. What happens when you get the girl? Being a PUA does not mean your heart won’t get broken. Even Mystery got his heart broken in the book “The Game”. Patterns and tricks can only get you that far in a girl. Maybe that is what inspired me to take time off to write about relationships maintenance because I want to reduce the number of guys’ heart from getting broken again. Most if not all of the issues and problems can be traced way to the first 60 days of the relationship. Hence the first 60 days is the most important part of your relationship. It sets the tone for the future path because any differences from the first 60 days in the future, she will say that you have changed or it was not what it used to be. Hence she will always use the beginning as a gauge to judge the present. Screw the beginning stage and you have a very bad gauge for her to judge in the future. On your part, you can also look out for signs whether she will be suitable for a long term mate. If she is not, you can get out early and spare yourself the heartache later one. If u sense she is trouble early in the first 60 days but u still let her continue, then u are in for trouble in the long run and only urself to blame...
Final notice: You won’t learn how to pick up girls or jio girls in my series. This series is only useful for if you are planning to start a new relationship in the future or are in the beginning phrase now. For those in a relationship already, maybe you can learn some bits and extracts from it.
Part 2:
The most, most important part of the relationship is her interest level. I cannot stress this enough. Repeat after me… “HER INTEREST LEVEL” . Notice the word “her”. This means that your interest level is not important. Your interest level has NO correlation to hers. You can love her until the heavens but your gf can heck care you. Sad but true. See everything in percentages, from 0-100%. If she is very willing to go out with you, keeps calling you… you are safe, her interest level should be around 80-90%. If you sense she is more distant from you (not wanting to go out wif u, or going out on dates wif a cant care less face), then yes, the percentages are dropping… from 90 to 80 to 70 to 60% to finally fail and below 50%. At this point, she will say things like, “ I need my own space.” “You should date other girls but I’ll still date you.” “ I don’t think we are compatible.” and many more…
It is important to recognize the drop so you can react immediately as it occurs. DON’T RATIONALISE HER. What’s rationalizing? Oh she is distant from me because she had a bad week at school/work. She is distant from me because she is having period now. She is distant from me because her favorite guy in the drama died. She is distant from me because she blah blah blah (whatever reason you can think of, anything that is not related to me).
Please, I know guys have a massive ego and will never believe that a girl will not like them anymore. But be a man and face the fact that her interest level is dropping. It means she likes me less and less. Simple isn’t it? Why rationalize her actions and assume she still likes you but is distant from you because of the reasons you crack your head thinking of? Maybe its because you watch too much drama that two people truly love each other but cannot be together because of some reasons?
I even had a girl who had period who still went out with me. Why? Because her interest level was high! Just like if your favorite av idol came to Singapore airport, you would even go there in crutches even you were injured! Why? Because you had high interest level in her! The simple fact is that if she likes you, she wants to be you. However if her interest level has dropped, take a step back and recall why she likes u less now.
There are a lot of reasons why her interest level drops:
1) U turn her off… think back to some action u did in the past that turned her off… confessing too much? Scolding her? Disrespecting her? More will be elaborated about how a man should behave in the next few parts
2) U did nothing wrong in your opinion and she felt she did nothing wrong in her opinion. Sometimes it’s just a clash of ideology and she feels that u r not the one for her. Example: u hate ur gf going clubbing, and she thinks its ok, its not as if she is sleeping around. This one I can’t help you, you need to resolve these issues through negotiation and compromise. Though I would like to point out girls with high interest level like in the 90% will do anything for you, and anything you say because they are really scared of losing you.
3) U did nothing wrong but she found someone new… hence the withdrawal from u…
4) U did nothing wrong, but her interest level at the beginning was not high anyway… she was ai mai ai mai, thinking she will love u wif time, but she realize she cannot, hence the withdrawal.
Depending on what reason, u need to act appropriately, for reason 1: apologize and rectify, promising her and yourself you will not do that again. I’m sorry but the time machine has not been invented, you can’t go back in time and rectify the mistake. Move on and learn your lesson if she does not accept your apology and can’t get the past image of that guy who turned her off. For reason 2, you need to negotiate and compromise.
I wanna focus on 3 and 4, no use trying to convince her anything, and no use trying to confess or buy gifts to win her back, u did nothing wrong but the problem is now coming from her, hence u haf to withdraw… Take for example, u dun like a gal anymore, u think if she buys u gifts and tells u how much she loves u, u will like her more? No rite, but if she ignores u, u will think whether u made the right move, or what she is doing now, or if she is dating other ppl, ur interest in her goes up, cos u wonder wat the other guy sees in her…
What this means to u is to withdraw from her if u sense she does not like u as much anymore, let her know u got expectations n will leave if someone does not like u. Lose the romance but dun lose respect. Tell her nicely, u have expectations that u won’t date someone who won’t like u, call me again when your mind is cleared again about us. This is so much better than begging with gifts and confession to get your gf back, especially if u had done nothing wrong…
I can tell u through my experience begging does not work and to guys who begged and their gf went back, its because they felt guilty and pity the poor guy… this type of r/s usually won’t last long because the guy has lost all respect in the relationship…
Walk away with your head up high even though it hurts you inside… If she does call and regrets her change of heart (clever girl!), then at least when u r back together, she will still respect u as someone who won’t waste his time and will love only if he is loved…
As you can see, I am not God and I can’t save all relationships but what I can do is to prevent reason 1 from happening by keeping her interest level high. How should a boyfriend behave then to keep her interest high? Look out for next part.
Part 3:
To keep her interest level high, you need the 3Cs.
1) Confidence- I don’t think I need to elaborate more on this. Humoring the girl and leading the girl will add points to your confidence. Go google on how to be more confident to learn more.
I would like to add that you should always develop self improvement. Getting her does not mean you can slacken.
How can I look better? More gym? More facials? Better clothes?
How can I become richer? Take a course? Work harder?
That way if someone richer comes along, at least she can comfort herself that you are on your way up. Her chances of hopping to that other guy decreases as compared to a scenario where u are a stagnant guy whom she sees no chance ever to be like the rich guy in this life time.
2) Control. You cannot control her, you cannot control the relationship but you can control your own emotions and actions. This is very important. What do I mean by control?
Control means going through your mind every time you want to do something or say something. Will that action raise her interest level?
Will what I do now come back and bite me next time when we argue?
Do not believe the female expert’s advice that you need to be open with your gf and say everything that comes to your mind. Think carefully before you say something to her.
This means she does not need to know everything that is on your mind right now. Do not believe what the female love experts say about open communication and say everything that is on your mind to her, your feelings etc. (Of course the female experts would advise this! They want to know everything on the man’s mind because knowledge is power)
Ask a so called female expert about how to jio a girl, and most likely she will say oh tell her how you feel about her. But as most of you know or have tried before, telling her on the first date how much you really like her always backfires.
How this applies to relationship is that you control yourself too. Even though you everyday think about her all the time and wanna tell her I love you a hundred times a day… Don’t do that. Control your mouth and don’t say these mushy things out loud even though you feel like it. These things should be said out sparingly.
Another self control you need to develop is not saying negative things or thoughts. She already has depressing things in her life, her job/sch and even listening to the news.
Control is also important in quarrels, when u say something towards them, u tend to get hot headed and anything sprouts out. Take a step back and defend ur case only with facts that can be backed up, because really what is said at the heat of the moment cannot be taken back.
When you forgive and forget a past incident she has done, then do not bring that up again. Saying negative things will only lead to her interest level dropping bit by bit until she says she is no longer happy with you and then is GG to you.
And lastly, your gf is NOT your best friend. This is the misconception by the media today where girls say oh I married my best friend. Your parents and friends can forgive your wrong actions but a partner always remembers them.
Also your conversation topics with your best friend is different from your partner. How would u feel if your gf tells you about the latest fashion, hair styles and manicures etc like the way she tells her good friend? Initially, you would look interested but after a year of telling you that, you would wish that can’t she shut the fug up about this? I am not your girlfriends.
The same applies for guys too. You do not keep talking about your manly things all the time like soccer and other guy topics. She also does not need to know every boring detail about you. Girls always claim they want soul mates so they want the guy to tell her everything, but when they really do hear everything, especially the bad, they get turned off. (example: you confess you went geylang before).
In essence, control is self control of what you say and do. Remember: words once spoken cannot be taken back, always think twice about what you are going to do and don’t do the first thing that comes to your mind when you are with her.
Enough of part 3. The next part will be the 3rd C…. Challenge
Part 4: Challenge
This I can say is the most important of all. If you are the challenge and she has to work hard to get you, she won’t dump you. Nobody dumps something they are constantly pursuing. They will only dump that thing after getting it and realizing it was no big deal.
As I mentioned before, the first 60 days are the most important part of the relationship where the foundations, rules and norms are set. Example, you call everyday during the first 60 days. Sadly now that is the norm, once you slow down your calling to 2 days once, she will say you have changed or the relationship is not like what it used to be, you don’t love me as much anymore because you don’t call me as frequent now. Unbelievable right?
Hence think about how you would like the relationship to be in the future. These are some of my rules personally so I do these right at the start.
1) I prefer to chat on the phone every 2 -3 days. When we chat, it must not be that long, maybe about 10-15 minutes to enquire about each other’s lifestyles and to arrange the next date.
Now linking to challenge, I really don’t encourage you call everyday. That’s anti challenge. In my case I call her every 2-3 days and in between the days I do not call, I am giving her the opportunity to call me. I am now the challenge and she has to pursue me. This push pull in the relationship makes it healthy.
Have you ever have the feeling of missing her when you call and she does not pick up, or sms and she does not reply immediately? Same concept applies here too. If she has to be the one who calls you or sms you sometimes, she will miss you too. So please don’t always be the one to contact her.
Some may say oh if I do not call, she will not call me one. It does not matter. So be it, I’ll just be the one calling but I will still call every 2-3 days. (oh yeah, substitute calling for msn, sms, whatever.) Hopefully she will pick up the slack in the future and be the one to contact you when you two are deeper in love.
2) Don’t say out your whole life story. Its anti challenge. Tell it to her bit by bit. If she is going to be with you for the long term or even your wife, then why the need to tell everything about you to her now? She’ll know it for the long term if you want her to stick around for the next 50 years or so.
That is why I despair when couples in a heat of passion during the first 60 days tell their whole life story to each other. They can chat on the phone for hours everyday. After maybe a year, things get stale already because there is nothing fresh about each other to know…
From there, topics start to get limited and the relationship goes downhill and again using the first 60 days as gauge, the girl will tell herself the relationship is not what it used to be and then is GG. (That is why I like to chat only 10-15min on the phone).
So please I know in a heat of passion, you just want to see her everyday and tell her everything about you in the beginning but please take a step back and control yourself. Let her know you bit by bit one small step at a time and she has to be constantly pursuing you for more things about yourself.
You are now the challenge and she will want to stick around to know more about you.
3) Mushy things should be limited. If you confess everything too early, you are anti challenge. Show that you love her through your ACTIONS, not your big mouth. Treat her dinner, hold her hand, hug her close, compliment her, be a gentlemen, care for her, etc to show your love. When you do that, your girlfriend already knows how you feel about her already.
Do not say “I love you” until she says that to you. Reward her with flowers, gifts if she is nice to you (but do it only after the first 60 days) and not as a last grasp move when you sense she is getting more and more distant from you.
Female experts would want you to pour your feelings to her but of course they do! Who does not feel shiok when someone confess to you? But one thing they do not gurantee you is that the gf will say I love you back.
Some couples say “I love you” every time they end a sms conversation or phone chat. Don’t be that couple because the “I love you” has no value anymore! I want you to be the boyfriend where she has to work to get your approval of that phrase constantly and blush even years later when she gets to hear that phrase of assurance.
So if you want to stick around long enough, keep the words I love you close to your heart and use it only after she has said that to you. Meanwhile show her that you love her through your ACTIONS!
4) Whatever other rules and norms you want. For example, you prefer to go dutch at dinners. Then have this rule right at the start. She will feel very offended if you treat her for the first 60 days then after that demand that we go dutch!
That is enough for the guy. It takes two to clap so I shall elaborate what to look out for in the girlfriend in my final part.
End of part 4.
Part 5:
Sometimes you do everything right and have the 3Cs, but still face problems then maybe they are on the female side. The three most important traits are integrity, flexibility and emotional baggage.
It is very important you look out for these during the first 60 days so you can have an easier break up early than breaking up 2 yrs down the road or even worse divorce because you two are married.
1) She needs to have integrity. She must not cheat on you. Take note that interest level is not related to integrity. She can love you a lot but still enjoys clubbing at night and getting one-night stands. These type of girls you are better off without them.
2) She needs to have flexibility. Let’s face it, 2 different people together means a lot of differences. The only thing for both of them to stick together is flexibility.
Does she do what you want her to do? Does she accommodate to you? Does she do difficult things for you (like cooking) just to make you happy? If yes then she is flexible and when arguments occur(which confirm will happen), she will then negotiate and accommodate to you. If you have an inflexible girl on hand then your future relationship will be a rocky one.
3) The last one is emotional baggage. Is she sane? Is she hurt by past relationships that she blows hot and cold with you? Does she have a sticky ex in the background asking her to come back?
Guys, no matter how chio they are, its best to leave these types alone for the long run. Being single is sometimes better than in the same room with an emotionally unstable person for the next 50 years.
In fact these three can be mentioned to the male side as well to keep your relationship strong. Make sure you have
1) integrity and don’t cheat
2) Be flexible about things, see things from her view point and accommodate her
3) Move on from your past emotional baggage.
Hope you learned something from my contributions. Always remembered if there are any problems, reflect on her interest level, your confidence, control and challenge, and her integrity, flexibility and emotional baggage.
The End.
source : http://forums.hardwarezone.com.sg/showthread.php?t=2237473
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